Sunday, April 19

Rethinking Things

Ever since I've been married- no, actually even before that- I've been ready to have kids. It's been a long, slow battle with my husband, and many hormone-induced tearful nights getting to the point where we agreed to start the process. For about 6 months now, we (that is to say, I, with his grudging permission) have laid careful plans as to EXACTLY WHEN we would get pregnant and have a baby. I even stopped taking birth control a couple of months in advance to make absolutely sure me and my body were on the same page.

And of course, one month before we were supposed to start this process (TMI?), I'm starting to realize that A) I'm very much not ready to be a mom, and 2) I'm quite happy to NOT be a mom for a while yet. I'm not sure if it's getting my baby fix at work, or my husband finally convincing me after almost 2 years, but I'm ok now with sleeping whenever I want, having my body to myself, and being able to get ready to go places in less than 15 minutes. In fact, where I used to be baby-obsessed, I now am "mildly interested." Where I used to crave to hold any baby, anytime, I'm ok with letting them lie on the couch for a while. Where I used to jump into mommy-mode whenever a baby fussed, I find myself saying "You're fine kid. Stop whining." This new attitude of impatience is why I feel suddenly not ready to be a mom- my infinite patience with small people has evaporated. I don't care anymore. I'd rather somebody else deal with them.

So, in short, barring any unforseen happenings, I think we'll be a content, well-rested, childless couple for much longer than I ever thought.


Emilia said...

you do realize that by entering this childless state of nirvana, that you will be pregnant within the next week, right?

Jen said...

That was a fast comment. And that thought is in the back of my mind... But I think we can avoid it for a while, at least.

heather said...

I agree with Emilia - it wasn't until I was finally content with just being Ry and me that I got pregnant - and that was without the purposeful planning that you have done! Now I look back and realize how fabulous it was just the two of us, but also how fabulous it is with the three of us. Both worlds are great, challenging in their own ways, and rewarding. There's a time and a place for every step! Oh - and to be honest, I don't have a whole lot of patience for other kids either. But when it comes to your own, it's amazing how much you have (not to say that your own don't push your buttons or exhaust you ... but it's definitely different than babysitting). Whatever happens - just enjoy your family! :) Love ya!

Mary said...

I totally understand where you are coming from!!! I will have been married for 8 years this summer...and don't have kids yet. We were finally ready this spring, but it ended shortly after it began with a miscarriage...but, at least it's fun trying ;o).
I say do whatever makes you two happy!!! We have thoroughly enjoyed our vacations and quiet time alone for many years ;o)

Erin said...

We were married for 6 years before we had kids. I am SO glad we waited that long. Good luck, however or whenever it happens!

Julianne said...

Hehe on Emilia's comment!

It's funny...we had that sort of experience too. I was never baby hungry from the get go, but we had decided a certain month to start trying to get pregnant, and all things were a go, but then just days before we were going to start things, we both got the oddest feeling, like, "No, wait."

Our "wait" period wasn't too long -- about 6 more months and then we really were ready to start trying, and then it took us 6 more months to actually get pregnant -- but I'm so glad we had it. I know there are some people who are ready to have kids off the bat, and some who don't think they are but, oh well, they're pregnant, and it works out just fine. But I think that unless you are getting major clear signs to get going on baby making, that it's OK to continue living life. At first I felt guilty that I wasn't sticking by my timeline (which, incidentally, was a timeline that I gave myself based on family, friends, and the overall BYU experience). But I'm glad that we waited. It gave me and Ryan time to continue enjoying each other and figure each other out even more. And the funny thing was, it took us 6 months to get pregnant after we started trying, and those first few months that we were trying I was so stressed out, but the last couple months, I was perfectly content with just being with Ryan forever, if that was the way things were supposed to happen.

And, seeing how crazy I got after I had a kid, I think that every day we DIDN'T have a kid was a beneficial thing for our relationship, because it's helped us figure things out post-baby.

ANYWAY. My opinion is -- you move on things when you feel like you want to, and when you feel like your husband wants to, and when you feel like the Lord wants you to.

Oh boy. I think I just left you an epistle. Sorry and I'll stop now.