Wednesday, June 30

Angry Birthmom Vent

I love the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant." It's a guilty pleasure. But it's making me MAD tonight. I'm going through the marathon recorded on my DVR, and I've seen several episodes now where a single mom is thinking about "giving up" for adoption. But after she sees the baby for the first time, the narrator intones something to the effect of "he was so precious, she knew she could never give him up."

So.... what? Isabelle wasn't precious enough for me to subject her to the life of an unprepared single mom? Maybe I didn't love her enough? Apparently she was a subpar child, and it was was just easy for me to hand her off and move on. Good thing I didn't have a beautiful or precious child like these women. Good thing I have a heart of stone and didn't REALLY love my baby.


Just.... UGH.


Sunday, June 27

Babywise: My thoughts

A friend recommended the book Babywise when I was very newly pregnant, and I managed to just barely get it (mostly) read before I had the baby. I've heard that it's controversial and extreme, but I didn't see that at all in what I read. It made perfect sense.

Haha, little did I know...

I still like the idea, and I'm still incorporating a modified version, but I see now how it can be "extreme." Babies don't conform to your schedule!! I started out trying to follow the book to the letter, and found supporting information online to further educate myself. According to all the reading, I should be having a regular wake up time every morning, within 15 minutes either direction. From that point, he should eat at the same times every day, every 2 - 3 hours. After eating, he should be awake for some time (no more than an hour, according to the people online who have done this before), then be put down for naps while still awake and fall asleep on his own.

The first issue I discovered in practice is, if he is eating every 2-3 hours (with one 4 hour stretch a day, according to the lactation people), how is it mathematically possible to have the same eating times every day??? It is not. So our schedule fluctuates a bit day to day, but in general we start our day at 10 AM. If he eats well, he is predictably hungry every 3 hours, and I can basically tell you when I'll be feeding him from day to day. If he's growing or something, he'll get hungry in 1.5-2 hours, and that's ok- I'll feed him then. If he's hungry because he was dicking around instead of eating, I'll make him wait and get properly hungry before feeding him again. If he's sleeping past 3 hours, then I'll wake him up to eat (if he's gonna have a 4 hour stretch, it's gonna be at night, thankyouverymuch). And this basically works for us.

And then there's the napping thing. This has been our biggest issue. The online reading says babies have "sleep cues" that you have to read and know when to put them down, and you have about a 10 minute window to get it right or they get overtired and won't fall asleep. Seriously?? First of all, I've known this person for less than a month, and he can't talk... how in the heck am I supposed to know what his sleep cues are? And babies are changing constantly. By the time I get to know him and figure out his sleep cues, they could have changed entirely. So we've never had success with putting him down and having him fall asleep on his own. I've given up on that, and I'm ok with it. We'll hold him and rock him to sleep and let him dictate his own sleep schedule, and maybe he'll be able to teach me what he needs/wants before he's 6 months old.

So things are going pretty well now. He's figured out how to eat without TOO much trouble, most of the time... and he's very good at sticking to his "schedule," most of the time.... and he's VERY good at sleeping at night. Most of the time. He's had a rough few days, but last night he slept for almost 5 hours in one stretch. Coincidentally, I've been happier and more relaxed today than I have been in a long time.

I'm sure next week I'll have something else making me pull my hair out in frustration.

But at least next week we'll hopefully be in Colorado where Noni and Papa will make everything all better.

Friday, June 25


Apparently, blogger has a new upload tool.

Also, my family is cute.

true friends

Wednesday afternoon I got a text from my very good friend Shayla basically telling me to come over tomorrow (Thursday) and let her make me lunch and hang out for a while. Well who am I to say no to that? So yesterday, after waking up and feeding the baby, I packed up and headed over to her house in my pajamas. I spent the day laying on the couch, watching silly TV, talking about anything and nothing, and being fed. Cookies were made, my baby was held, and it was basically the best day I've had in several weeks. There is just something so relaxing to me about NOT being in my house. Even though I'm not doing anything lately, there is an unconscious feeling in the back of my head saying "you SHOULD be folding the laundry... doing the dishes... paying the bills... etc etc." Also, she is just one of those people that I have a natural connection with, in that we can pick up anytime and talk about anything. There is not such thing as an awkward silence with us. (Of course, Corbin was an angel and slept the ENTIRE DAY. And he's been making up for it this past 24 hours.)

I'll have to do that again soon. It was sooo relaxing. I don't think she realized what she was getting herself into...

I'm so grateful for the amazing helpful people in my life! I would go crazy without you!

Wednesday, June 23

Let me count the ways....

I hate breastfeeding. I can list a million reasons to not continue, but the health benefits still weigh pretty heavy, and when it comes right down to it, switching to formula is really expensive. But seriously, I hate it.

It's a fight every single time lately. If I'm not fighting to keep him awake, then I'm fighting to get him to eat at all. Lately he's taken to sucking a few times, then pushing back and fussing, like it tastes gross or something. (Granted, breastmilk isn't the loveliest tasting thing in the world, but he's not supposed to know that yet!) So feeding him now takes all of my concentration and two hands, so forget being able to hold a book or actually do something interesting during this 30 minute ordeal.

I can't drink soda anymore. At least, that's what I think is giving him constant gas pains. I know, I know, soda isn't that good for me anyway, but you know what? I like it. A lot. And I'm going to miss having it for an entire year. I hate the whole concept of basing my diet around what makes him uncomfortable. If it turns out he's sensitive to dairy, like many babies are, then that will be a breaking point for me... no way am I giving up milk for anyone.

I hate the fact that I can never get a full stretch of sleep anymore. If I'm not waking up to feed him, (like last night when my sweet well-intentioned husband gave him a few bottles so I could sleep longer) then I at least have to wake up and pump or risk the pain of engorgement and/or dwindling my supply.

And who ever said that this is more convenient than bottles? Yeah, it's always there and always the right temperature, but if my son is screaming in the middle of a grocery shopping trip because he's hungry, I can whip out a bottle and feed him without really stopping. I think it might make people uncomfortable if I did the same with my breast.

I try to pump so I can give him SOME bottles, but it takes an entire day of pumping to build up one bottle's worth of supply. That just feels discouragingly useless.

And then there's the classic gripes of "it hurts," "it's messy," "it stains my clothes," etc etc etc.

BUT, I know it's the best thing for him. Though to be honest, if somebody gave me a free year's supply of formula right now, I wouldn't miss a beat in switching him over.

It DOES get better........ right?

Sunday, June 20


Guess what? It's father's day. I bet you couldn't guess from the other posts in your reader.

I know it's all over the place, but I would be negligent if I didn't take a second to recognize the new daddy in the house today. He is amazing. His patient and calm demeanor is exactly what I need to balance my crazy high-stress attitude. Any time I'm losing it, usually because of problems with nursing, Brit has no problem taking Corbin and calming him down and letting me relax. He takes the baby any time he won't sleep at night to let me get rest between feedings. And he's basically the cutest daddy ever. I just love watching them together.

Happy father's day, Brit!

Wednesday, June 9

Being a mom is hard.

And breastfeeding basically sucks.


Still worth it.

Wednesday, June 2

My baby is the cutest baby ever in the whole wide world. Except for maybe this one. She gives him some stiff competition, at least.

I keep wanting to go back and downplay my birth story and tell you it wasn't that bad. But let's be honest, it was traumatizing. I'm just a gigantic wimp or something, I guess. I also half-heartedly apologize for the ridiculously long post full of details, but I'm glad I recorded for my memories, so I'm not really that sorry.

My grumpy monkey is not so grumpy, as it turns out. He had a rough first day, but really, can you blame him? The nurse in the morning pointed out that maybe he had a headache that night. Um.... right. I guess that is a distinct possibility. Duh, me. He's been pretty easy-going for the last 24 hours or so. VERY stubborn, though. He's great at eating when HE wants to eat, and heaven help you if you try to make him eat sooner than that. And that's just the tip of the stubborn iceberg.

I kinda like him.

These are my cute nurses- Above is yesterday's nurse, Marianne, who I spent the day chatting with about life and jobs and such. Below is my awesome labor nurse, Taelor, who was very comforting and supportive when things got rough.