Wednesday, July 11

Photography... or lack thereof.

There's something I've been thinking about for a while now that I really need to get out of my head and down in writing. I don't know if I can organize my thoughts enough for a coherent post, but let's try...

A year and a half ago, Brit let me buy a fancy-pants new DSLR camera. It was going to be great. I picked things up pretty quickly (if I do say so myself), and was very proud of the awesome pictures I was taking. As I learned more and more, I've started to get really frustrated with this hobby of mine. I don't have the best self-esteem, so it doesn't take much for me to look at a picture and notice everything wrong with it, which I've started doing more often than not. It got to a point this year where I didn't even want to pick up my camera anymore, ever. Everything I did was just not good enough. Not even close. I could take a picture and- for a very short while- think "Yeah! Look at that! I'm so awesome, I should be in business." But then, within a week or even less, I would start seeing all the flaws and just hate it and hate myself for taking it.

I belong to a forum of photographers from all skill levels, and it's taught me a LOT, but mostly I think it shows me how much better "everyone else" is than me. These people are ARTISTS! I look at their work, and I am in awe. How could I ever think to compare with that?

Then, a revelation. I don't know what sparked it, but I was thinking all these negative thoughts, and I realized- I don't NEED to be that good! Yes, it would be nice to make some money from my hobby (it's not a cheap one!)... but I never got a camera with the intent to be a professional! I don't NEED to compare with all the pro (or even really-good-not-pro) photographers on my forum. I got a camera to take nice pictures, and I HAVE TO recognize that I'm doing exactly that. They may not be professional  caliber or salable, but they're nice pictures of my baby, and my family. I don't need to impress anyone else. Sure I want to, but someday I will be thankful to have just these.

It's all great in theory... if I could only remember and apply it to my life. It doesn't stick. I keep going back to being frustrated with all my pictures and wanting to give up. I think I need more sleep.