Photography... or lack thereof.

There's something I've been thinking about for a while now that I really need to get out of my head and down in writing. I don't know if I can organize my thoughts enough for a coherent post, but let's try...

A year and a half ago, Brit let me buy a fancy-pants new DSLR camera. It was going to be great. I picked things up pretty quickly (if I do say so myself), and was very proud of the awesome pictures I was taking. As I learned more and more, I've started to get really frustrated with this hobby of mine. I don't have the best self-esteem, so it doesn't take much for me to look at a picture and notice everything wrong with it, which I've started doing more often than not. It got to a point this year where I didn't even want to pick up my camera anymore, ever. Everything I did was just not good enough. Not even close. I could take a picture and- for a very short while- think "Yeah! Look at that! I'm so awesome, I should be in business." But then, within a week or even less, I would start seeing all the flaws and just hate it and hate myself for taking it.

I belong to a forum of photographers from all skill levels, and it's taught me a LOT, but mostly I think it shows me how much better "everyone else" is than me. These people are ARTISTS! I look at their work, and I am in awe. How could I ever think to compare with that?

Then, a revelation. I don't know what sparked it, but I was thinking all these negative thoughts, and I realized- I don't NEED to be that good! Yes, it would be nice to make some money from my hobby (it's not a cheap one!)... but I never got a camera with the intent to be a professional! I don't NEED to compare with all the pro (or even really-good-not-pro) photographers on my forum. I got a camera to take nice pictures, and I HAVE TO recognize that I'm doing exactly that. They may not be professional  caliber or salable, but they're nice pictures of my baby, and my family. I don't need to impress anyone else. Sure I want to, but someday I will be thankful to have just these.

It's all great in theory... if I could only remember and apply it to my life. It doesn't stick. I keep going back to being frustrated with all my pictures and wanting to give up. I think I need more sleep.

Oh yeah, there was that holiday...

Hey, did you know Halloween happened like 3 weeks ago?

Did you know Corbin was the cutest boy ever to grace the holiday?

See? Told you. (That's a giraffe in his hands... a lion's gotta eat!)

Brit's brother and sister-in-law were in town, so we joined them at Erin's house for trick-or-treating. Corbin did ok, for a 1-year-old, but he was not excited about the idea of trick-or-treating. Oh he loved the candy, but we ended up carrying him for 99% of the trip. I just love Halloween. I'm so glad he's already in the "tradition" of celebrating every year.

More pictures, because words are boring...

Rawr!

Brit as Doctor Who

The Doctor and K-9

Cousins

More Cuteness

...have you passed out from the cuteness yet? I'll spare you and move on to other kids....

The Gang

Chess, in her own costume

Corbin's attitude about trick-or-treating...

Words

Corbin doesn't say much. He's learned a lot of signs, but his words are still pretty much mush. I've noticed that he uses the same mush with the same signs every time, though, so I'm calling them words. Instead of trying to spell them out phonetically I took videos of the ones he uses-- all done, more, and up. Of course he babbles all day long and says "mamamama" and "dadadadada"... whether or not he's referring to us, I have yet to determine.

These are so weird, Brit still doesn't believe me that they are actual words. Well... they're not. But Corbin thinks they are, so who am I to argue?

1: All Done

2: More (the "muhmuhmuh" right before I turn off the camera)

3: Up. This one is the weirdest, and takes the longest time to get him to stop whining and talk to me. He holds his hands up in the air (although he's digressed to just holding his ears... I guess holding them all the way up is simply too tiring) and says "eee?" Yeah, sure, that sounds just like "Up".....

On a somewhat random note... he also likes to stand at the top of the stairs and yell "Biiiht?" at the top of his lungs. It doesn't seem to mean anything, but I'm wondering if this is a reflection of how often I stand at the top of the stairs and yell for Brit....

Kid in a Box

15 months, other happenings

At 15 months, Corbin:

is 25 lbs {55%, and he's lost weight since his 12 month checkup}

33.5 inches {97+%}

So he's gotten tall and skinny!

+Still takes 2 naps a day, but sometimes drops his 2nd nap

+Still drinks 4 sippies of milk a day

+LOVES juice, hates water {we're trying to wean him out of this!}

+Also loves: goldfish, cheddar rice cakes, pretzels, FRUIT SNACKS, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, bananas, cereal with milk, hot dogs

+Eats at his own pace... some days, hardly anything; other days, he's a bottomless pit!

+Dances whenever he hears music

+Waves Bye-Bye

+Loves to sneak-attack hug... he comes up to me about 10 times a day to grab my legs and bury his face in them

+Loves his ball popper, throwing balls around, and taking all the tupperware and measuring cups out of the drawers

+Loves banging on keyboards and remotes and phones... but only if they work. No faking him out with broken play equipment.

+Loves to go outside and walk around, but hates the playground

+Has a mind of his own! He definitely knows how to throw a mini-tantrum. If I try to hold his hand when we're out, he will throw his head back, stamp his feet, scream, and try to bite my hand. It's lovely.

+He has EXPLODED in communication skills this last month! I feel like something has "clicked" in his brain, and he understands infinitely more of what we say, and makes a visible effort to communicate back. 

Words he says: Doggy, Daddy {these two sound the same}, MaMa, More, Nonnie {although he will probably forget this one before he needs it again}

Words he tries: All Done {he says something like "a-ya" while making the sign}, Milk {I think he's used it once, anyway}

Words he signs: Up, More, All Done, Please {he walks around signing Please for EVERYTHING, like maybe we're holding something out on him}

He is copying us more and more, and making an effort to tell us what he wants. The other day, I was trying to get him to sign "juice," which we had never used before. I could tell he knew what I was asking {"Do you want some juice?"} without seeing it, and he whined {his very elegant way of saying "yes"} and then tried to copy my sign for "Juice." He ended up just hitting himself in the side of his head, but hey, A for effort!

He also suddenly loves to read, and his very favorite book is Baby's First 100 Words, followed closely by his other word book. Not that he actually stays on any one page long enough for me to READ to him, but he still brings it to me and climbs in my lap every chance he gets to look through it.

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I've started a new blog. I have a lot of these now. And I'm not going to share the link to this one, but I will share the thought process. I am a terrible journal keeper, as probably evidenced by this outstanding blog right here. There are too many memories that I think "Oh, I will always remember this," only to forget years down the line. Corbin does so many cute things EVERY DAY that I want to look back and remember when he's a bratty 12 year old and I need to remind myself why I love him. I also want to remember the little milestones, like when he learned to dance to music, and wave bye-bye, and started talking in complete sentences. I want to remember all this, but to blog it for a public audience would either be excruciatingly boring for you, or filled with pressure to make it fun and interesting for me. So I started another blog, and am filling it with several very short {and boring!} entries a day. Things like "Corbin loves baby einstein lately. It's the only thing he will sit still for." I can keep it up because there's no pressure of other people reading and commenting, and I know I will love and appreciate these silly little reminders in years to come.

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I'm back on a regular work schedule. NO, that does not mean I'm working days! I'm back to working every weekend, still all nights. I am totally in love with having a predictable schedule again. It makes me feel like I have more time every week to get things done. In fact, I've started housekeeping for the first time in my life! It feels WONDERFUL to have a clean house. I've made a schedule of chores for each day I'm not working, put it on my phone's to-do list app, and shared it with Brit so he can help me get things done. He really is good at helping me when I tell him exactly what to do, he will never on his own see the problem of a 3-month buildup of pet hair on the carpet.